Twilight - Eclipse Chapter 23. MONSTER

WHEN I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING, IT WAS VERYbright — even inside the tent, the sunlight
hurt my eyes. And Iwas sweating, as Jacob had predicted. Jacob was snoring lightly in my ear, his arms
still wrapped around me.
I pulled my head away from his feverishly warm chest and felt the sting of the cold morning on my
clammy cheek. Jacob sighed in his sleep; his arms tightened unconsciously.
I squirmed, unable to loosen his hold, struggling to lift my head enough to see. . . .
Edward met my gaze evenly. His expression was calm, but the pain in his eyes was unconcealed.
“Is it any warmer out there?” I whispered.
“Yes. I don’t think the space heater will be necessary today.”
I tried to get to the zipper, but I couldn’t free my arms. I strained, fighting against Jacob’s inert strength.
Jacob muttered, still fast asleep, his arms constricting again.
“Some help?” I asked quietly.
Edward smiled. “Did you want me to take his arms all the way off?”
“No, thank you. Just get me free. I’m going to get heat stroke.”
Edward unzipped the sleeping bag in a swift, abrupt movement. Jacob fell out, his bare back hitting the
icy floor of the tent.
“Hey!” he complained, his eyes flying open. Instinctively, he flinched away from the cold, rolling onto
me. I gasped as his weight knocked the breath out of me.
And then his weight was gone. I felt the impact as Jacob flew into one of the tent poles and the tent
shuddered.
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The growling erupted from all around. Edward was crouching in front of me, and I couldn’t see his face,
but the snarls were ripping angrily out of his chest. Jacob was half-crouched, too, his whole body
quivering, while growls rumbled through his clenched teeth. Outside the tent, Seth Clearwater’s vicious
snarls echoed off the rocks.
“Stop it, stop it!” I yelled, scrambling awkwardly to put myself between them. The space was so small
that I didn’t have to stretch far to put one hand on each of their chests. Edward wrapped his hand around
my waist, ready to yank me out of the way.
“Stop it, now,” I warned him.
Under my touch, Jacob began to calm himself. The shaking slowed, but his teeth were still bared, his
eyes furiously focused on Edward. Seth continued to growl, a long unbroken sound, a violent
background to the sudden silence in the tent.
“Jacob?” I asked, waiting until he finally dropped his glare to look at me. “Are you hurt?”
“Of course not!” he hissed.
I turned to Edward. He was looking at me, his expression hard and angry. “That wasn’t nice. You
should say sorry.”
His eyes widened in disgust. “You must be joking — he was crushing you!”
“Because you dumped him on the floor! He didn’t do it on purpose, and he didn’t hurt me.”
Edward groaned, revolted. Slowly, he looked up to glare at Jacob with hostile eyes. “My apologies,
dog.”
“No harm done,” Jacob said, a taunting edge to his voice.
It was still cold, though not as cold as it had been. I curled my arms around my chest.
“Here,” Edward said, calm again. He took the parka off the floor and wrapped it over the top of my
coat.
“That’s Jacob’s,” I objected.
“Jacob has a fur coat,” Edward hinted.
“I’ll just use the sleeping bag again, if you don’t mind.” Jacob ignored him, climbing around us and sliding
into the down bag. “I wasn’t quite ready to wake up. That wasn’t the best night’s sleep I ever had.”
“It was your idea,” Edward said impassively.
Jacob was curled up, his eyes already closed. He yawned. “I didn’t say it wasn’t the best night I’ve ever
spent. Just that I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I thought Bella was never going to shut up.”
I winced, wondering what might have come out of my mouth in my sleep. The possibilities were
horrifying.
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“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” Edward murmured.
Jacob’s dark eyes fluttered open. “Didn’t you have a nice night, then?” he asked, smug.
“It wasn’t the worst night of my life.”
“Did it make the top ten?” Jacob asked with perverse enjoyment.
“Possibly.”
Jacob smiled and closed his eyes.
“But,” Edward went on, “if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top
ten of thebest nights of my life. Dream about that.”
Jacob’s eyes opened into a glare. He sat up stiffly, his shoulders tense.
“You know what? I think it’s too crowded in here.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
I elbowed Edward in the ribs — probably giving myself a bruise.
“Guess I’ll catch up on my sleep later, then.” Jacob made a face. “I need to talk to Sam anyway.”
He rolled to his knees and grabbed the door’s zipper.
Pain crackled down my spine and lodged in my stomach as I abruptly realized that this could be the last
time I would see him. He was going back to Sam, back to fight the horde of bloodthirsty newborn
vampires.
“Jake, wait —” I reached after him, my hand sliding down his arm.
He jerked his arm away before my fingers could find purchase.
“Please, Jake? Won’t you stay?”
“No.”
The word was hard and cold. I knew my face gave away my pain, because he exhaled and half a smile
softened his expression.
“Don’t worry about me, Bells. I’ll be fine, just like I always am.” He forced a laugh. “’Sides, you think
I’m going to let Seth go in my place — have all the fun and steal all the glory? Right.” He snorted.
“Be careful —”
He shoved out of the tent before I could finish.
“Give it a rest, Bella,” I heard him mutter as he re-zipped the door.
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I listened for the sound of his retreating footsteps, but it was perfectly still. No more wind. I could hear
morning birdsong far away on the mountain, and nothing else. Jacob moved in silence now.
I huddled in my coats, and leaned against Edward’s shoulder. We were quiet for a long time.
“How much longer?” I asked.
“Alice told Sam it should be an hour or so,” Edward said, soft and bleak.
“We stay together. No matter what.”
“No matter what,” he agreed, his eyes tight.
“I know,” I said. “I’m terrified for them, too.”
“They know how to handle themselves,” Edward assured me, purposely making his voice light. “I just
hate missing the fun.”
Again with thefun. My nostrils flared.
He put his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he urged, and then he kissed my forehead.
As if there was any way to avoid that. “Sure, sure.”
“Do you want me to distract you?” He breathed, running his cold fingers along my cheekbone.
I shivered involuntarily; the morning was still frosty.
“Maybe not right now,” he answered himself, pulling his hand away.
“There are other ways to distract me.”
“What would you like?”
“You could tell me about your ten best nights,” I suggested. “I’m curious.”
He laughed. “Try to guess.”
I shook my head. “There’re too many nights I don’t know about. A century of them.”
“I’ll narrow it down for you. All of my best nights have happened since I met you.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really — and by quite a wide margin, too.”
I thought for a minute. “I can only think of mine,” I admitted.
“They might be the same,” he encouraged.
“Well, there was the first night. The night you stayed.”
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“Yes, that’s one of mine, too. Of course, you were unconscious for my favorite part.”
“That’s right,” I remembered. “I was talking that night, too.”
“Yes,” he agreed.
My face got hot as I wondered again what I might have said while sleeping in Jacob’s arms. I couldn’t
remember what I’d dreamed about, or if I’d dreamed at all, so that was no help.
“What did I say last night?” I whispered more quietly than before.
He shrugged instead of answering, and I winced.
“That bad?”
“Nothing too horrible,” he sighed.
“Please tell me.”
“Mostly you said my name, the same as usual.”
“That’s not bad,” I agreed cautiously.
“Near the end, though, you started mumbling some nonsense about ‘Jacob, my Jacob.’” I could hear the
pain, even in the whisper. “Your Jacob enjoyedthat quite a lot.”
I stretched my neck up, straining to reach my lips to the edge of his jaw. I couldn’t see into his eyes. He
was staring up at the ceiling of the tent.
“Sorry,” I murmured. “That’s just the way I differentiate.”
“Differentiate?”
“Between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Between the Jacob I like and the one who annoys the hell out of
me,” I explained.
“That makes sense.” He sounded slightly mollified. “Tell me another favorite night.”
“Flying home from Italy.”
He frowned.
“Is that not one of yours?” I wondered.
“No, itis one of mine, actually, but I’m surprised it’s on your list. Weren’t you under the ludicrous
impression I was just acting from a guilty conscience, and I was going to bolt as soon as the plane doors
opened?”
“Yes.” I smiled. “But, still, you were there.”
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He kissed my hair. “You love me more than I deserve.”
I laughed at the impossibility of that idea. “Next would be the night after Italy,” I continued.
“Yes, that’s on the list. You were so funny.”
“Funny?” I objected.
“I had no idea your dreams were so vivid. It took me forever to convince you that you were awake.”
“I’m still not sure,” I muttered. “You’ve always seemed more like a dream than reality. Tell me one of
yours, now. Did I guess your first place?”
“No — that would be two nights ago, when you finally agreed to marry me.”
I made a face.
“That doesn’t make your list?”
I thought about the way he’d kissed me, the concession I’d gained, and changed my mind. “Yes . . . it
does. But with reservations. I don’t understand why it’s so important to you. You already had me
forever.”
“A hundred years from now, when you’ve gained enough perspective to really appreciate the answer, I
will explain it to you.”
“I’ll remind you to explain — in a hundred years.”
“Are you warm enough?” he asked suddenly.
“I’m fine,” I assured him. “Why?”
Before he could answer, the silence outside the tent was ripped apart by an earsplitting howl of pain.
The sound ricocheted off the bare rock face of the mountain and filled the air so that it seared from every
direction.
The howl tore through my mind like a tornado, both strange and familiar. Strange because I’d never
heard such a tortured cry before. Familiar because I knew the voice at once — I recognized the sound
and understood the meaning as perfectly as if I’d uttered it myself. It made no difference that Jacob was
not human when he cried out. I needed no translation.
Jacob was close. Jacob had heard every word we’d said. Jacob was in agony.
The howl choked off into a peculiar gurgled sob, and then it was quiet again.
I did not hear his silent escape, but I could feel it — I could feel the absence I had wrongly assumed
before, the empty space he left behind.
“Because your space heater has reached his limit,” Edward answered quietly. “Truce over,” he added,
so low I couldn’t be sure that was really what he’d said.
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“Jacob was listening,” I whispered. It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.”
“You knew.”
“Yes.”
I stared at nothing, seeing nothing.
“I never promised to fight fair,” he reminded me quietly. “And he deserves to know.”
My head fell into my hands.
“Are you angry with me?” he asked.
“Not you,” I whispered. “I’m horrified atme. ”
“Don’t torment yourself,” he pleaded.
“Yes,” I agreed bitterly. “I should save my energy to torment Jacob some more. I wouldn’t want to
leave any part of him unharmed.”
“He knew what he was doing.”
“Do you think that matters?” I was blinking back tears, and this was easy to hear in my voice. “Do you
think I care whether it’s fair or whether he was adequately warned? I’mhurting him. Every time I turn
around, I’m hurting him again.” My voice was getting louder, more hysterical. “I’m a hideous person.”
He wrapped his arms tightly around me. “No, you’re not.”
“I am! What’s wrong with me?” I struggled against his arms, and he let them drop. “I have to go find
him.”
“Bella, he’s already miles away, and it’s cold.”
“I don’t care. I can’t justsit here.” I shrugged off Jacob’s parka, shoved my feet into my boots, and
crawled stiffly to the door; my legs felt numb. “I have to — I have to . . .” I didn’t know how to finish the
sentence, didn’t know what there was to do, but I unzipped the door anyway, and climbed out into the
bright, icy morning.
There was less snow than I would have thought after the fury of last night’s storm. Probably it had blown
away rather than melted in the sun that now shone low in the southeast, glancing off the snow that
lingered and stabbing at my unadjusted eyes. The air still had a bite to it, but it was dead calm and slowly
becoming more seasonable as the sun rose higher.
Seth Clearwater was curled up on a patch of dry pine needles in the shadow of a thick spruce, his head
on his paws. His sand-colored fur was almost invisible against the dead needles, but I could see the
bright snow reflect off his open eyes. He was staring at me with what I imagined was an accusation.
I knew Edward was following me as I stumbled toward the trees. I couldn’t hear him, but the sun
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reflected off his skin in glittering rainbows that danced ahead of me. He didn’t reach out to stop me until I
was several paces into the forest shadows.
His hand caught my left wrist. He ignored it when I tried to yank myself free.
“You can’t go after him. Not today. It’s almost time. And getting yourself lost wouldn’t help anyone,
regardless.”
I twisted my wrist, pulling uselessly.
“I’m sorry, Bella,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I did that.”
“You didn’t do anything. It’s my fault. I did this. I did everything wrong. I could have . . . When he . . . I
shouldn’t have . . . I . . . I . . .” I was sobbing.
“Bella, Bella.”
His arms folded around me, and my tears soaked into his shirt.
“I should have — told him — I should — have said —” What? What could have made this right? “He
shouldn’t have — found out like this.”
“Do you want me to see if I can bring him back, so that you can talk to him? There’s still a little time,”
Edward murmured, hushed agony in his voice.
I nodded into his chest, afraid to see his face.
“Stay by the tent. I’ll be back soon.”
His arms disappeared. He left so quickly that, in the second it took me to look up, he was already gone.
I was alone.
A new sob broke from my chest. I was hurting everyone today. Was there anything I touched that didn’t
get spoiled?
I didn’t know why it was hitting me so hard now. It wasn’t like I hadn’t known this was coming all
along. But Jacob had never reacted so strongly — lost his bold overconfidence and shown the intensity
of his pain. The sound of his agony still cut at me, somewhere deep in my chest. Right beside it was the
other pain. Pain for feeling pain over Jacob. Pain for hurting Edward, too. For not being able to watch
Jacob go with composure, knowing that it was the right thing, the only way.
I was selfish, I was hurtful. I tortured the ones I loved.
I was like Cathy, likeWuthering Heights, only my options were so much better than hers, neither one
evil, neither one weak. And here I sat, crying about it, not doing anything productive to make it right. Just
like Cathy.
I couldn’t allow what hurtme to influence my decisions anymore. It was too little, much too late, but I
had to do what was right now. Maybe it was already done for me. Maybe Edward would not be able to
bring him back. And then I would accept that and get on with my life. Edward would never see me shed
another tear for Jacob Black. There would be no more tears. I wiped the last of them away with cold
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fingers now.
But if Edward did return with Jacob, that was it. I had to tell him to go away and never come back.
Why was that so hard? So very much more difficult than saying goodbye to my other friends, to Angela,
to Mike? Why did thathurt ? It wasn’t right. That shouldn’t be able to hurt me. I had what I wanted. I
couldn’t have them both, because Jacob could not be just my friend. It was time to give up wishing for
that. How ridiculously greedy could any one person be?
I had to get over this irrational feeling that Jacob belonged in my life. He couldn’t belong with me, could
not bemy Jacob, when I belonged to someone else.
I walked slowly back to the little clearing, my feet dragging. When I broke into the open space, blinking
against the sharp light, I threw one quick glance toward Seth — he hadn’t moved from his bed of pine
needles — and then looked away, avoiding his eyes.
I could feel that my hair was wild, twisted into clumps like Medusa’s snakes. I yanked through it with my
fingers, and then gave up quickly. Who cared what I looked like, anyway?
I grabbed the canteen hanging beside the tent door and shook it. It sloshed wetly, so I unscrewed the lid
and took a swig to rinse my mouth with the ice water. There was food somewhere nearby, but I didn’t
feel hungry enough to look for it. I started pacing across the bright little space, feeling Seth’s eyes on me
the whole time. Because I wouldn’t look at him, in my head he became the boy again, rather than the
gigantic wolf. So much like a younger Jacob.
I wanted to ask Seth to bark or give some other sign if Jacob was coming back, but I stopped myself. It
didn’t matter if Jacob came back. It might be easier if he didn’t. I wished I had some way to call
Edward.
Seth whined at that moment, and got to his feet.
“What is it?” I asked him stupidly.
He ignored me, trotting to the edge of the trees, and pointing his nose toward the west. He began
whimpering.
“Is it the others, Seth?” I demanded. “In the clearing?”
He looked at me and yelped softly once, and then turned his nose alertly back to the west. His ears laid
back and he whined again.
Why was I such a fool? What was I thinking, sending Edward away? How was I supposed to know
what was going on? I didn’t speak wolf.
A cold trickle of fear began to ooze down my spine. What if the time had run out? What if Jacob and
Edward got too close? What if Edward decided to join in the fight?
The icy fear pooled in my stomach. What if Seth’s distress had nothing to do with the clearing, and his
yelp had been a denial? What if Jacob and Edward were fighting with each other, far away somewhere in
the forest? They wouldn’t do that, would they?
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With sudden, chilling certainty I realized that they would — if the wrong words were said. I thought of
the tense standoff in the tent this morning, and I wondered if I’d underestimated how close it had come to
a fight.
It would be no more than I deserved if I somehow lost them both.
The ice locked around my heart.
Before I could collapse with fear, Seth grumbled slightly, deep in his chest, and then turned away from
his watch and sauntered back toward his resting place. It calmed me, but irritated me. Couldn’t he
scratch a message in the dirt or something?
The pacing was starting to make me sweat under all my layers. I threw my jacket into the tent, and then I
went back to wearing a path across the center of the tiny break in the trees.
Seth jumped to his feet again suddenly, the hackles on the back of his neck standing up stiffly. I looked
around, but saw nothing. If Seth didn’t cut it out, I was going to throw a pinecone at him.
He growled, a low warning sound, slinking back toward the western rim, and I rethought my impatience.
“It’s just us, Seth,” Jacob called from a distance.
I tried to explain to myself why my heart kicked into fourth gear when I heard him. It was just fear of
what I was going to have to do now, that was all. I could not allow myself to be relieved that he’d come
back. That would be the opposite of helpful.
Edward walked into view first, his face blank and smooth. When he stepped out from the shadows, the
sun shimmered on his skin like it did on the snow. Seth went to greet him, looking intently into his eyes.
Edward nodded slowly, and worry creased his forehead.
“Yes, that’s all we need,” he muttered to himself before addressing the big wolf. “I suppose we
shouldn’t be surprised. But the timing is going to be very close. Please have Sam ask Alice to try to nail
the schedule down better.”
Seth dipped his head once, and I wished I was able to growl. Sure, he could nodnow. I turned my head,
annoyed, and realized that Jacob was there.
He had his back to me, facing the way he’d come. I waited warily for him to turn around.
“Bella,” Edward murmured, suddenly right beside me. He stared down at me with nothing but concern
showing in his eyes. There was no end to his generosity. I deserved him now less than I ever had.
“There’s a bit of a complication,” he told me, his voice carefully unworried. “I’m going to take Seth a
little ways away and try to straighten it out. I won’t go far, but I won’t listen, either. I know you don’t
want an audience, no matter which way you decide to go.”
Only at the very end did the pain break into his voice.
I had to never hurt him again. That would be my mission in life. Never again would I be the reason for
this look to come into his eyes.
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I was too upset to even ask him what the new problem was. I didn’t need anything else right now.
“Hurry back,” I whispered.
He kissed me lightly on the lips, and then disappeared into the forest with Seth at his side.
Jacob was still in the shadow of the trees; I couldn’t see his expression clearly.
“I’m in a hurry, Bella,” he said in a dull voice. “Why don’t you get it over with?”
I swallowed, my throat suddenly so dry I wasn’t sure if I could make sound come out.
“Just say the words, and be done with it.”
I took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry I’m such a rotten person,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish. I wish I’d never met
you, so I couldn’t hurt you the way I have. I won’t do it anymore, I promise. I’ll stay far away from you.
I’ll move out of the state. You won’t have to look at me ever again.”
“That’s not much of an apology,” he said bitterly.
I couldn’t make my voice louder than a whisper. “Tell me how to do it right.”
“What if I don’t want you to go away? What if I’d rather you stayed, selfish or not? Don’t I get any say,
if you’re trying to make things up to me?”
“That won’t help anything, Jake. It was wrong to stay with you when we wanted such different things.
It’s not going to get better. I’ll just keep hurting you. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I hate it.” My
voice broke.
He sighed. “Stop. You don’t have to say anything else. I understand.”
I wanted to tell him how much I would miss him, but I bit my tongue. That would not help anything,
either.
He stood quietly for a moment, staring at the ground, and I fought against the urge to go and put my
arms around him. To comfort him.
And then his head snapped up.
“Well, you’re not the only one capable of self-sacrifice,” he said, his voice stronger. “Two can play at
that game.”
“What?”
“I’ve behaved pretty badly myself. I’ve made this much harder for you than I needed to. I could have
given up with good grace in the beginning. But I hurt you, too.”
“This is my fault.”
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“I won’t let you claim all the blame here, Bella. Or all the glory either. I know how to redeem myself.”
“What are you talking about?” I demanded. The sudden, frenzied light in his eyes frightened me.
He glanced up at the sun and then smiled at me. “There’s a pretty serious fight brewing down there. I
don’t think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture.”
His words sank into my brain, slowly, one by one, and I couldn’t breathe. Despite all my intentions to
cut Jacob out of my life completely, I didn’t realize until that precise second exactly how deep the knife
would have to go to do it.
“Oh, no, Jake! No, no no no,” I choked out in horror. “No, Jake, no. Please, no.” My knees began to
tremble.
“What’s the difference, Bella? This will only make it more convenient for everyone. You won’t even
have to move.”
“No!” My voice got louder. “No, Jacob! I won’t let you!”
“How will you stop me?” he taunted lightly, smiling to take the sting out of his tone.
“Jacob, I’m begging you. Stay with me.” I would have fallen to my knees, if I could have moved at all.
“For fifteen minutes while I miss a good brawl? So that you can run away from me as soon as you think
I’m safe again? You’ve got to be kidding.”
“I won’t run away. I’ve changed my mind. We’ll work something out, Jacob. There’s always a
compromise. Don’t go!”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not. You know what a terrible liar I am. Look in my eyes. I’ll stay if you do.”
His face hardened. “And I can beyour best man at the wedding?”
It was a moment before I could speak, and still the only answer I could give him was, “Please.”
“That’s what I thought,” he said, his face going calm again, but for the turbulent light in his eyes.
“I love you, Bella,” he murmured.
“I love you, Jacob,” I whispered brokenly.
He smiled. “I know that better than you do.”
He turned to walk away.
“Anything,” I called after him in a strangled voice. “Anything you want, Jacob. Just don’t do this!”
He paused, turning slowly.
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“I don’t really think you mean that.”
“Stay,” I begged.
He shook his head. “No, I’m going.” He paused, as if deciding something. “But I could leave it to fate.”
“What do you mean?” I choked out.
“I don’t have to do anything deliberate — I could just do my best for my pack and let what happens
happen.” He shrugged. “Ifyou could convince me you really did want me to come back — more than
you wanted to do the selfless thing.”
“How?” I asked.
“You could ask me,” he suggested.
“Come back,” I whispered. How could he doubt that I meant it?
He shook his head, smiling again. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”
It took me a second to grasp what he was saying, and all the while he was looking at me with this
superior expression — so sure of my reaction. As soon as the realization hit, though, I blurted out the
words without stopping to count the cost.
“Will you kiss me, Jacob?”
His eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed suspiciously. “You’re bluffing.”
“Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back.”
He hesitated in the shadow, warring with himself. He half-turned again to the west, his torso twisting
away from me while his feet stayed planted where they were. Still looking away, he took one uncertain
step in my direction, and then another. He swung his face around to look at me, his eyes doubtful.
I stared back. I had no idea what expression was on my face.
Jacob rocked back on his heels, and then lurched forward, closing the distance between us in three long
strides.
I knew he would take advantage of the situation. I expected it. I held very still — my eyes closed, my
fingers curled into fists at my sides — as his hands caught my face and his lips found mine with an
eagerness that was not far from violence.
I could feel his anger as his mouth discovered my passive resistance. One hand moved to the nape of my
neck, twisting into a fist around the roots of my hair. The other hand grabbed roughly at my shoulder,
shaking me, then dragging me to him. His hand continued down my arm, finding my wrist and pulling my
arm up around his neck. I left it there, my hand still tightly balled up, unsure how far I could go in my
desperation to keep him alive. All the while his lips, disconcertingly soft and warm, tried to force a
response out of mine.
As soon as he was sure I wouldn’t drop my arm, he freed my wrist, his hand feeling its way down to my
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waist. His burning hand found the skin at the small of my back, and he yanked me forward, bowing my
body against his.
His lips gave up on mine for a moment, but I knew he was nowhere close to finished. His mouth
followed the line of my jaw, and then explored the length of my neck. He freed my hair, reaching for my
other arm to draw it around his neck like the first.
Then both of his arms were constricted around my waist, and his lips found my ear.
“You can do better than this, Bella,” he whispered huskily. “You’re overthinking it.”
I shivered as I felt his teeth graze my earlobe.
“That’s right,” he murmured. “For once, just let yourself feel what you feel.”
I shook my head mechanically until one of his hands wound back into my hair and stopped me.
His voice turned acidic. “Are you sure you want me to come back? Or did you really want me to die?”
Anger rocked through me like the whiplash after a heavy punch. That was too much — he wasn’t
fighting fair.
My arms were already around his neck, so I grabbed two fistfuls of his hair — ignoring the stabbing pain
in my right hand — and fought back, struggling to pull my face away from his.
And Jacob misunderstood.
He was too strong to recognize that my hands, trying to yank his hair out by the roots, meant to cause
him pain. Instead of anger, he imagined passion. He thought I was finally responding to him.
With a wild gasp, he brought his mouth back to mine, his fingers clutching frantically against the skin at
my waist.
The jolt of anger unbalanced my tenuous hold on self-control; his unexpected, ecstatic response
overthrew it entirely. If there had been only triumph, I might have been able to resist him. But the utter
defenselessness of his sudden joy cracked my determination, disabled it. My brain disconnected from my
body, and I was kissing him back. Against all reason, my lips were moving with his in strange, confusing
ways they’d never moved before — because I didn’t have to be careful with Jacob, and he certainly
wasn’t being careful with me.
My fingers tightened in his hair, but I was pulling him closer now.
He was everywhere. The piercing sunlight turned my eyelids red, and the color fit, matched the heat. The
heat was everywhere. I couldn’t see or hear or feel anything that wasn’t Jacob.
The tiny piece of my brain that retained sanity screamed questions at me.
Why wasn’t I stopping this? Worse than that, why couldn’t I find in myself even the desire towant to
stop? What did it mean that I didn’t wanthim to stop? That my hands clung to his shoulders, and liked
that they were wide and strong? That his hands pulled me too tight against his body, and yet it was not
tight enough for me?
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
The questions were stupid, because I knew the answer: I’d been lying to myself.
Jacob was right. He’d been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That’s why it was so
impossible to tell him goodbye — because I was in love with him. Too. I loved him, much more than I
should, and yet, still nowhere near enough. I was in love with him, but it was not enough to change
anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I ever had.
I didn’t care about more than that — than his pain. I more than deserved whatever pain this caused me.
I hoped it was bad. I hoped I would really suffer.
In this moment, it felt as though we were the same person. His pain had always been and would always
be my pain — now his joy was my joy. I felt joy, too, and yet his happiness was somehow also pain.
Almost tangible — it burned against my skin like acid, a slow torture.
For one brief, never-ending second, an entirely different path expanded behind the lids of my tear-wet
eyes. As if I were looking through the filter of Jacob’s thoughts, I could see exactly what I was going to
give up, exactly what this new self-knowledge would not save me from losing. I could see Charlie and
Renée mixed into a strange collage with Billy and Sam and La Push. I could see years passing, and
meaning something as they passed, changing me. I could see the enormous red-brown wolf that I loved,
always standing as protector if I needed him. For the tiniest fragment of that second, I saw the bobbing
heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into the familiar forest. When they
disappeared, they took the rest of the vision with them.
And then, quite distinctly, I felt the splintering along the fissure line in my heart as the smaller part
wrenched itself away from the whole.
Jacob’s lips were still before mine were. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me with wonder and
elation.
“I have to leave,” he whispered.
“No.”
He smiled, pleased by my response. “I won’t be long,” he promised. “But one thing first . . .”
He bent to kiss me again, and there was no reason to resist. What would be the point?
This time was different. His hands were soft on my face and his warm lips were gentle, unexpectedly
hesitant. It was brief, and very, very sweet.
His arms curled around me, and he hugged me securely while he whispered in my ear.
“Thatshould have been our first kiss. Better late than never.”
Against his chest, where he couldn’t see, the tears welled up and spilled over.

Continue Reading Twilight Eclipse:
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53 comments:

Unknown said...

What a whore

Unknown said...

jacob is a cruel evil malupinator and he deserves to die

Unknown said...

ughhhhhhhhhh

Unknown_123 said...

Bloody black mongrel. Dog. I hate him. If i had the chance, would've killed him... But he doesn't exist— that's good. Such a monster! Ugh! I'm feeling nauseated! And look what they both did to poor Edward! JACOB BLACK! IF YOU EXIST SOMEWHERE- I'LL KILL YOU. AND HOW DARE YOU IMPRINT ON RENEESME? JUST FUDGE OFF.
Ugh!

Lindsey said...

Jacob pulled the same move emo kids pull so their girlfriends won’t break up with them.

Unknown said...

Yes because even though it's been explained as uncontrollable, Jacob was special enough he purposely imprinted on Renesmee.

By the way, he's a reddish brown, not black.

Getting kinda passionate over a non-existent character aren't you??

Unknown said...

I dislike Jacob so much, even though I do understand him.
But that may just be because I love Edward so much. I'm far too biased.

Unknown said...

idk why everyone is freaking out. 3 words. THAT. WAS. HOT. and im team Edward so don't go calling me out. AND how dare you spoil Renesmee if someone has not read the book then thats a big spoiler.

Unknown said...

She really is playing both of them. I am disgusted they both are so selfish and don't even care about what Edward feels

Unknown said...

I was so happy reading this chapter, one of my favorite moments in this book and then I scroll down to the comments and see that everyone is hating on Jacob, sure he did take advantage of the situation and can be annoying sometimes, but my gosh Edward is so much more annoying and manipulative I don't understand why everyone likes him so much. But ok I guess everyone is allowed to have an opinion

Unknown said...

She is nothing but a whore who manipulate people and uses them for her own pleasure

Phoenix said...

That was very cheap of Jacob...

onefinespringday said...

no, jacob is clearly more manipulative, toxic, and lowkey emotionally abusive than edward. edward has done a few creepy things (following her to port angeles, coming into her bedroom) but since then has proven to be nothing but a devoted boyfriend to bella. even when he forbids her from hanging out with Jacob, he realizes he's being too biased and controlling, and apologizes and lets her go see him again. Jacob in the other hand, consistently makes bella uncomfortable with his unpredictable temper, his sexual innuendos, and his in consideration for her feelings or boundaries. he kisses her without her consent (and even when he apologizes he never seems to truly feel sorry), he keeps insisting that bella should be with him/wants to be with him and disregarding her autonomy and her REPEATED nos, and then to top it all off he threatens suicide not once but twice in this chapter to get bella to kiss him. these are so many red flags. ofc jacob is 16 and edward is over 100 so jacob will not be as mature as him but that is no excuse for being that controlling and manipulative. man I used to be team jacob as a kid but now I'm team edward all the way.

Unknown said...

I'm with you

Dahyun103 said...

I don’t know whether I’m team Edward or Jacob at this point, why don’t we all just collectively decide to dumb both of them and be team Alice because she’s hot and a much better person than both of them

Unknown said...

Me too. Like as much as I loved Edward when I first watched the series and still love him,I hate Bella a little bit in Eclipse,I mean she only asked Jacob to kiss her to manipulate him (yes manipulate) then she wouldn’t even admit to herself or anyone else that she loved him.He wasn’t toxic,violent or manipulative,he just finally made her face her feelings. I still don’t understand how she loved Edward more. Ok I’m done lol

Unknown said...

So Jacob was violent and toxic in this scene but Christian Grey (50 Shades) is romantic and hot? Yeah ok.🙄 All Jacob did was finally make Bella face her feelings. Even she admitted that. Just sayin.

kashka said...

100% agree!!

Unknown said...

👏👏👏👏 totally agree !!

Jas.Lopez said...

ayooooo 😂

Utah said...

okay soo....Bella is the one that should be getting blamed..Not Jacob..Not Edward..okay they have their flaws but come on now ....in the first book Bella thought that if she puts herself in danger then Edward would have to stay to protect her...and also in New Moon Bella JUMPED off of a cliff... She didnt jump to kill herself at first but then when she was in the water she decided to just let herself die.. she decided to not try to get back to shore.. so if Jacob is Emotionally Abusive, Then so is Bella.

Sill loves these Books tho..

Sela Phaats said...

Bella needs to go! ASAP. I read these books 10 years ago and I remember feeling a real hate towards her. Now that I’m older and mature (I hope) I’ve understood the things she has done. Up to this chapter... Idk I just feel like she tells herself she’s a bad person bla bla bla I’ll tell Jacob to leave and never come back. I will never hurt Edward again bla bla bla.... I hope in th next chapter she feels so low that she doesn’t deserve either of them and honestly just leaves. Go away to Alaska please and thanks ha RANT

Anonymous said...

Bahahahha

Anonymous said...

Yassss. Alice x Bella for life!!

Unknown said...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nkole kambafwile said...

Me too. I love Edward too much

Azaleosbee22 said...

I don’t understand how anyone could be defending Jacob. He’s so emotionally and physically abusive. Edward has changed himself for the better and Jacob continues to make her uncomfortable and not really truthfully care about her or what she wants. And honestly Bella is the same way. They’re both extremely selfish and if I’m being really honest....they deserve each other. ‘He’s making her face her feelings’- bish please. He wants her and doesn’t care what he has to do to get her. Could you imagine being married to someone who can’t take a “no”. She admitted she loves him but not enough to leave Edward, so what good did all that do? Kinda wish Laurent had the chance to kill her. Would’ve saved everyone a big headache. 😭

bellas_gf said...

bella gets a bad rap in this book specifically. in twilight and new moon she’s the “middle aged teenager” and always having to be cautious but i like watching her be a real teenager in this moment. get messy girl

Unknown said...

I agree that Edward and Jacob have both exhibited toxic behavior when it comes to Bella. What makes them so different is that Edward changed a lot after thinking that Bella was dead. Jacob has proven himself to have an explosive temper and does not respect Bellas autonomy whatsoever. If Bella chose to be with Jacob, Edward has expressed that he would leave them alone. All the while, Bella has clearly chosen to make a life with Edward and all Jacob has done is manipulated Bella to stay in his life while trying to break her and Edward's happy relationship. He cannot take no for an answer. His ego is too big to imagine that someone couldn't love him back, so he deludes himself into disregarding Bella's MANY no's and tries to break them up. Edward would never do this, but would let them be happy. What makes Jacob's character unforgivable to me, is his sexual assault on Bella in this book, and now in this chapter threatening to kill himself if she doesn't kiss him. Jacob is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to Bella. How could someone ship her with someone so dangerous? Jacob is truly and disgusting character.

Unknown said...

What a fucking whore

Unknown said...

Mahahahahah

Unknown said...

You wouldn't even have to pay me BITCH I do it for free

Unknown said...

Stfu smh

Unknown said...

Right she is such a terrible person smh

Unknown said...

I have this chapter

Unknown said...

I don't care about all the negative comments about Jacob in this chapter. I just love him. Edward left for God's sake and Jake was there so atleast he has all the right to make Bella realize that there is that little part in her heart that loves him too. All this wouldn't have happened in the first place if Edward didn't leave. So you guys bashing out Jacob en all that need to understand what brought all this up.
I love this book.

Unknown said...

I honestly get disgusting vibes from Jacob and feel like bella never loved him that way. The whole situation felt honestly very rapey. First if all,he manipulates her by claiming he is quite literally going to kill himself (which he had no actual intent to do) if she doesn't kiss him. I mean that alone is completely messed up and inexcusable but, moving on to my next point. She resisted the kiss the entire time and the point where she 'gave in' she had to mentally check out. The way she describes it seems like dissociation. If a person was truly enjoying a kiss, don't you think they would be more focused on kissing that person than thinking about how confused and upset they were? For comparison, if you look at her and Edward's kisses, although she can't think clearly, she is always lucid and thinking about the kiss with real passion, not regret. I am open to other interpretations but I do feel as if Bella was triggering a trauma response. Perhaps the subconscious correlation was; i'm still doing the action and the action will keep him alive so therefore I must go with the explanation for kissing jacob that has been offered to me (by jacob, another way he has manipulated the situation and made bella uncomfortable*) which is that I must be in love with him. *I would elaborate more but this is already quite long and I think that it's healthy for people to make their own conclusions. Plus, I don't think anyone would be happy if I started citing evidence. Although perhaps I will write an essay on this topic...

maggie sirmans said...

yes he does

maggie sirmans said...

jacob black a bitch fr

maggie sirmans said...

not the "i'll kms if you don't kiss me"🥴🥴

maggie sirmans said...

no cus jacob is LITERALLY LIKE "ill kms if you don't kiss me:'( " and is actually disgusting

Unknown said...

Lmaooo I’m dieing

Unknown said...

Stop this is so funny

Unknown said...

Same

Jessica Charlton said...

Yeah, she thought she was stopping him from killing himself. What a month monster!🙄 Jacob did manipulate Bella by pretending he was going to kill him self. Once again Jacob isn't just manipulative but abusive.

Jessica Charlton said...

I agree. Edward can be awful too but at least he sees he was wrong and changes. Jacob is emotionally abusive and what he did with the nonconsensual kiss was sexual assault. At some point Edward stopped being a piece of crap and Jacob started being a piece of crap.

Jessica Charlton said...

I agree! Alice is a much better option!

Jessica Charlton said...

No Christian Grey is not romantic or hot. He's disgusting and 1000000 times worse then Edward or Jacob but just because he's worse doesn't mean that Jacobs not a piece of crap too!

Jessica Charlton said...

I'm disgusted by all the victim blaming in the comments. Jacob's manipulation in this chapter is abusive and awful. Bella just acted to keep him alive. Bella has made it clear all along that she wants to be with Edward and not Jacob. It's his own fault if he didn't believe her. Jacob has now sexually assaulted and emotionally abused Bella. Yet everyone blames Bella?! You guys
who think like this are disgusting and just as screwed up in the head as Stephanie Meyer! Some of you might be even more screwed up in the head then Stephanie Meyer!

Jessica Charlton said...

I agree. The whole thing comes across like Jacob finally convinced Bella that she actually was in love with him. I don't think that's what Stephanie Meyer wanted to portray here but that's exactly what it comes across like.

Sweetness said...

@jessica Charlton;I totally agree with you he intentionally manipulated her so she'll choose him over Edward. Even though Bella had told him severally that she loves Edward and has already chosen him, he keeps looking for a way to breakup their relationship which is really bad bcuz he's so selfish. TEAM EDWARD ALL THE WAY!!!. And Bella really disappointed me here, imagine, asking another guy to kiss you(for whatever reason) when you already have a boyfriend,🙄.

Ashley said...

Jacob is so disgusting

DEe said...

Your comments always give me a little hope for humans. Ppl blaming a teenage girl for having conflicting feelings and calling her a whore smh. So mad at and jealous of a character in a book like most of them haven't done or thought more scandalous shit irl.

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