The Host By Stephanie Meyer - EPILOGUE: Continued
Life and love went on in the last human outpost on the planet Earth, but things did not stay
exactly the same.
I was not the same.
This was my first rebirth into a body of the same species. I found the transfer much more
difficult than changing planets because I had so many expectations about being human already
in place. Also, I'd inherited a lot of things from Petals Open to the Moon, and not all of them
were pleasant.
I'd inherited a great deal of grief for Cloud Spinner. I missed the mother I'd never known and
mourned for her suffering now. Perhaps there could be no joy on this planet without an equal
weight of pain to balance it out on some unknown scale.
I'd inherited unexpected limitations. I was used to a body that was strong and fast and tall–a
body that could run for miles, go without food and water, lift heavy weights, and reach high
shelves. This body was weak–and not just physically. This body seized up with crippling shyness
every time I was unsure of myself, which seemed to be often these days.
I'd inherited a different role in the human community. People carried things for me now and let
me pass first into a room. They gave me the easiest chores and then, half the time, took the
work right out of my hands anyway. Worse than that, I needed the help. My muscles were soft
and not used to labor. I tired easily, and my attempts to hide that fooled no one. I probably
couldn't have run a mile without stopping.
There was more to this easy treatment than just my physical weakness, though. I was used to a
pretty face, but one that people were able to look at with fear, mistrust, even hatred. My new
face defied such emotions.
People touched my cheeks often, or put their fingers under my chin, holding my face up to see it
better. I was frequently patted on my head (which was in easy reach, since I was shorter than
everyone but the children), and my hair was stroked so regularly that I stopped noticing when it
happened. Those who had never accepted me before did this as often as my friends. Even
Lucina put up only a token resistance when her children began following me like two adoring
puppies. Freedom, in particular, crawled onto my lap at every opportunity, burrowing his face in
my hair. Isaiah was too big for such displays of affection, but he liked to hold my hand–just the
same size as his–while chattering excitedly with me about Spiders and Dragons, soccer and
raids. The children still wouldn't go anywhere near Melanie; their mother had frightened them
too thoroughly before for her reassurances to change things now.
Even Maggie and Sharon, though they still tried not to look at me, could not maintain their
former rigidity in my presence.
My body was not the only change. The monsoons came late to the desert, and I was glad.
For one thing, I'd never smelled the rain on the creosotes before–I could only vaguely remember
it from my memories of Melanie's memories, a very dim trail of recall indeed–and now the scent
washed out the musty caves, left them smelling fresh and almost spicy. The scent clung to my
hair and followed me everywhere. I smelled it in my dreams.
Also, Petals Open to the Moon had lived in Seattle all her life, and the unbroken streak of blue
skies and blistering heat was as bewildering–almostnumbing –to my system as the dark press of
heavy overcast skies would have been to any of these desert dwellers. The clouds were exciting,
a change from the bland, featureless pale blue. They had depth and movement. They made
pictures in the sky.
There was a great deal of reshuffling to be done in Jeb's caves, and the move to the big game
room–now the communal sleeping quarters–was good preparation for more permanent
arrangements to follow.
Every space was needed, so rooms could not remain vacant. Still, only the newcomers,
Candy–who had remembered her correct name at last–and Lacey, could bear to take Wes's old
space. I pitied Candy for her future roommate, but the Healer never betrayed any discontent at
the prospect.
When the rains ended, Jamie would move into a free corner in Brandt and Aaron's cave.
Melanie and Jared had kicked Jamie out of their room and into Ian's before I'd been reborn in
Pet's body; Jamie wasn't so young that they'd needed to give him any excuse.
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Kyle was working on widening the small crevice that had been Walter's sleeping space so that
it would be ready when the desert was dry again. It really wasn't big enough for more than one,
and Kyle would not be staying there alone.
At night in the game room, Sunny slept curled into a ball against Kyle's chest, like a kitten who
was friends with a big dog–a rottweiler whom she trusted implicitly. Sunny wasalways with
Kyle. I couldn't remember ever seeing them unattached since I'd opened these silver gray eyes
for the first time.
Kyle seemed constantly bemused, too distracted by this impossible relationship he couldn't
quite wrap his head around to pay attention to much else. He wasn't giving up on Jodi, but as
Sunny clung to him, he held her to his side with gentle hands.
Before the rain, every space was taken, so I stayed with Doc in the hospital that no longer
frightened me. The cots were not comfortable, but it was a very interesting place to be. Candy
remembered the details of Summer Song's life better than her own; the hospital was a place of
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After the rain, Doc would not be sleeping in the hospital anymore. The first night in the game
room, Sharon had dragged her mattress right next to Doc's without a word of explanation.
Perhaps it was Doc's fascination with the Healer that motivated Sharon, though I doubted Doc
had even noticed how pretty the older woman was; his fascination was with her phenomenal
knowledge. Or maybe it was just that Sharon was ready to forgive and forget. I hoped that was
the case. It would be nice to think that even Sharon and Maggie might be softened over time.
I would not stay in the hospital anymore, either.
The crucial conversation with Ian might never have taken place if not for Jamie. My mouth
would go all dry and my palms would sweat whenever I so much as thought of bringing it up.
What if those feelings in the hospital, those few perfect moments of certainty right after I'd
awoken in this body, had been illusion? What if I remembered them wrong? I knew that nothing
had changed for me, but how could I be certain Ian felt the same? The body he'd fallen in love
with was still right here!
I expected him to be unsettled–we all were. If it was difficult for me, a soul used to such
changes, how hard must it be for the humans?
I was working to put the last of the jealousy and the perplexing echoes of the love I still felt for
Jared behind me. I didn't need or want them. Ian was the right partner for me. But sometimes I
would catch myself staring at Jared and feel confused. I'd seen Melanie touch Ian's arm or hand
and then jerk away as if she'd suddenly remembered who she was. Even Jared, who had the least
reason for uncertainty, would occasionally meet my confused gaze with a searching one of his
own. And Ian… Of course it must have been hardest for him. I understood that.
We were together nearly as much as Kyle and Sunny. Ian constantly touched my face and hair,
was always holding my hands. But who did not respond to this body that way? And wasn't it
platonic for everyone else? Why didn't he kiss me again, the way he had that first day?
Maybe he could never love me inside this body, as appealing as it seemed to be to all the other
humans here.
That worry was heavy in my heart the night Ian had carried my cot–because it was too heavy
for me–to the big, dark game room.
It was raining for the first time in more than six months. There were both laughter and
complaints as people shook out their damp bedding and arranged their places. I saw Sharon with
Doc and smiled.
“Over here, Wanda,” Jamie called, waving me toward where he'd just set his mattress next to
Ian's. “There's room for all three of us now.”
Jamie was the one person who treated me almost exactly the same as before. He did make
allowances for my puny physique, but he never seemed surprised to see me enter a room or
shocked when Wanderer's words came through these lips.
“You don't really want that cot, do you, Wanda? I'll bet we could all fit okay on the mattresses
if we shoved them together.” Jamie grinned at me while he kicked one mattress into the other
without waiting for agreement. “You don't take up much space.”
He took the cot from Ian and set it on its side, out of the way. Then Jamie stretched out on the
very edge of the far mattress and turned his back to us.
“Oh, hey, Ian,” he added without turning. “I talked to Brandt and Aaron, and I think I'm going
to move in with them. Well, I'm beat. Night, guys.”
I stared at Jamie's unmoving form for a long moment. Ian was just as motionless. He couldn't
have been having a panic attack, too, though. Was he thinking of some way to extricate himself
from the situation?
“Lights out,” Jeb bellowed from across the room. “Everybody shut yer trap so I can get some
shut-eye.”
People laughed, but took him seriously as always. One by one, the four lamps were dimmed
until the room was black.
Ian's hand found mine; it was warm. Did he notice how cold and sweaty my skin was?
He sank to his knees on the mattress, tugging me gently along. I followed and lay down on the
seam between the beds. He kept my hand.
“Is this okay?” Ian whispered. There were other hushed conversations going on around us,
made indistinct by the rush of the sulfur spring.
“Yes, thank you,” I answered.
Jamie rolled over, shaking the mattress and knocking into me. “Oops, sorry, Wanda,” he
murmured, and then I heard him yawn.
Automatically, I shifted out of his way. Ian was closer than I'd thought. I gasped quietly when I
ran into him, then tried to give him some room. His arm was suddenly around me, holding me to
his body.
It was the strangest feeling; having Ian's arm around me in this very nonplatonic way reminded
me oddly of my first experience with No Pain. Like I'd been in agony without realizing it, and
his touch had taken all the hurt away.
That feeling erased my shyness. I rolled so that I was facing him, and he tightened his arm
around me.
“Is this okay?” I whispered, repeating his question.
He kissed my forehead. “Better than okay.”
We were silent for a few minutes. Most of the other conversations had died out.
He bent down so that his lips were at my ear and whispered, quieter than before, “Wanda, do
you think… ?” He fell silent.
“Yes?”
“Well, it looks like I have a room all to myself now. That's not right.”
“No. There's not enough space for you to be alone.”
“I don't want to be alone. But…”
Why wouldn't he ask? “But what?”
“Have you had enough time to sort things out yet? I don't want to rush you. I know it's
confusing… with Jared…”
It took me a moment to process what he was saying, but then I giggled quietly. Melanie wasn't
much given to giggling, but Pet had been, and her body betrayed me at this most inopportune
moment.
“What?” he demanded.
“I was givingyou time to sort things out,” I explained in a whisper. “I didn't want to rushyou
–because I know it's confusing. With Melanie.”
He jumped just a little in surprise. “You thought… ? But Melanie isn't you. I was never
confused.”
I was smiling in the dark now. “And Jared isn't you.”
His voice was tighter when he answered. “But he's still Jared. And you love him.”
Ian was jealous again? I shouldn't have been pleased by negative emotions, but I had to admit
this was encouraging.
“Jared is my past, another life. You are my present.”
He was quiet for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was rough with emotion. “And
your future, if you want that.”
“Yes, please.”
And then he kissed me in the most unplatonic way possible under the crowded circumstances,
and I was thrilled to remember that I'd been smart enough to lie about my age.
The rains would end, and when they did, Ian and I would be together, partners in the truest
sense. This was a promise and an obligation I had never had in all my lives. Thinking of it made
me feel joyful and anxious and shy and desperately impatient all at the same time–made me
feel human .
After all this had been settled, Ian and I were more inseparable than ever. So when it came time
for me to test my new face on the other souls, of course he went with me.
This raid was a relief for me after long weeks of frustration. It was bad enough that my new
body was weak and nearly useless in the caves; I couldn't believe it when the others didn't want
to let me use my body for the one thing it was perfect for.
Jared had specifically approved of Jamie's choice because of this guileless, vulnerable face that
no one could ever doubt, this delicate build that anyone would be motivated to protect, but even
he had a hard time putting his theory into practice. I was sure raiding would be every bit as easy
for me now as it had been before, but Jared, Jeb, Ian, and the others–everyone but Jamie and
Mel–debated for days, trying to find a way around using me for that. It was ridiculous.
I saw them eyeing Sunny, but she was still unproven, not trusted. On top of that, Sunny had
absolutely no intention of setting one foot outside. The very wordraid had her cowering in
terror. Kyle would not go out with us; Sunny had gone hysterical the one time he'd mentioned it.
In the end, practicality had won out. I was needed.
It was good to be needed.
Supplies had been dwindling; this would be a long, thorough trip. Jared was leading the raid, as
usual, so it went without saying that Melanie was included. Aaron and Brandt volunteered, not
that we really needed the muscle; they were tired of being cooped up.
We were going far to the north, and I was excited to see the new places–to feel the cold again.
Excitement got a bit out of hand in this body. I was bouncy and hyper the night we drove to the
rock slide where the van and the big moving truck were hidden. Ian was laughing at me because
I could hardly hold still as we loaded the clothes and sundries we would need into the van. He
held my hand, he said, to tether me to the surface of the planet.
Was I too loud? Too oblivious to my surroundings? No, of course that was not it. There was
nothing I could have done. This was a trap, and it was too late for us the minute we arrived.
We froze when the thin beams of light shot out of the darkness into Jared's and Melanie's faces.
My face, my eyes, the ones that might have helped us, stayed obscured, hidden in the shadow
made by Ian's wide back.
My eyes were not blinded by the glare, and the moon was bright enough for me to clearly see
the Seekers that outnumbered us, eight to our six. Bright enough for me to see the way they
held their hands, to see the weapons that glinted in them, raised and pointed at us. Pointed at
Jared and Mel, at Brandt and Aaron–our only gun still undrawn–and one centered dead on Ian's
chest.
Why had I let him come with me? Why did he have to die, too? Lily's bewildered questions
echoed in my head:Why did life and love go on? What was the point?
My fragile little heart shattered into a million pieces, and I fumbled for the pill in my pocket.
“Steady, now, everybody just keep calm,” the man in the center of the group of Seekers called
out. “Wait, wait, don't beswallowing anything! Jeez, get a grip! No, look!”
The man turned the flashlight on his own face.
His face was sun browned and craggy, like a rock that had been eroded by the wind. His hair
was dark, with white at the temples, and it curled in a bushy mess around his ears. And his
eyes–his eyes were dark brown. Just dark brown, nothing more.
“See?” he said. “Okay, now, you don't shoot us, and we won't shoot you. See?” And he laid the
gun he was carrying to the ground. “C'mon, guys,” he said, and the others slid their guns back
into holsters–on their hips, their ankles, their backs… so many weapons.
“We found your cache here–clever, that; we were lucky to find it–and decided we'd hang out
and make your acquaintance. It's not every day you find another rebel cell.” He laughed a
delighted laugh that came from deep in his belly. “Look at your faces! What? Did you think you
all were the only ones still kickin'?” He laughed again.
None of us had moved an inch.
“Think they're in shock, Nate,” another man said.
“We scared them half to death,” a woman said. “What do you expect?”
They waited, shuffling from foot to foot, while we stood frozen.
Jared was the first to recover. “Whoare you?” he whispered.
The leader laughed again. “I'm Nate–nice to meet you, though you might not feel the same way
just yet. This here's Rob, Evan, Blake, Tom, Kim, and Rachel along with me.” He gestured
around the group as he spoke, and the humans nodded at their names. I noticed one man, a little
to the back, whom Nate did not introduce. He had bright, crinkly ginger hair that stood
out–especially because he was the tallest in the group. He alone seemed to be unarmed. He was
also staring intently at me, so I looked away. “There's twenty-two of us altogether, though,”
Nate continued.
Nate held out his hand.
Jared took a deep breath and then a step forward. When he moved, the rest of our little group
silently exhaled all at once.
“I'm Jared.” He shook Nate's hand, then started to smile. “This is Melanie, Aaron, Brandt, Ian,
and Wanda. There are thirty-seven of us altogether.”
When Jared spoke my name, Ian shifted his weight, trying to obscure me completely from the
other humans' view. It was only then that I realized I was still in just as much danger as the
others would have been in if thesehad been Seekers. Just like in the beginning. I tried to hold
perfectly still.
Nate blinked at Jared's revelation, and then his eyes widened. “Wow. That's the first time I've
ever been one-upped onthat one.”
Now Jared blinked. “You've found others?”
“There are three other cells separate from ours that we know of. Eleven with Gail, seven with
Russell, and eighteen with Max. We keep in touch. Even trade now and then.” Again, the belly
laugh. “Gail's little Ellen decided she wanted to keep company with my Evan here, and Carlos
took up with Russell's Cindy. And, of course, everyone needs Burns now and then –” He
stopped talking abruptly, glancing uneasily around him, as if he'd said something he shouldn't
have. His eyes rested briefly on the tall redhead in the back, who was still staring at me.
“Might as well get that out of the way,” the small dark man at Nate's elbow said.
Nate shot a suspicious glance across our little line. “Okay. Rob's right. Let's get this out there.”
He took a deep breath. “Now, you all just take it easy and hear us out. Calmly, please. This
upsets people sometimes.”
“Every time,” the one named Rob muttered. His hand drifted to the holster on his thigh.
“What?” Jared asked in a flat voice.
Nate sighed and then gestured to the tall man with the ginger red hair. The man stepped
forward, a wry smile on his face. He had freckles, like me, only thousands more. They were
scattered so thick across his face that he looked dark skinned, though he was fair. His eyes were
dark–navy blue, maybe.
“This here is Burns. Now, he's with us, so don't go crazy. He's my best friend–saved my life a
hundred times. He's one of our family, and we don't take kindly to it when people try to kill
him.”
One of the women slowly pulled her gun out and held it pointed at the ground.
The redhead spoke for the first time in a distinctly gentle tenor voice. “No, it's okay, Nate. See?
They've got one of their own.” He pointed straight at me, and Ian tensed. “Looks like I'm not
the only one who's gone native.”
Burns grinned at me, then crossed the empty space, the no-man's-land between the two tribes,
with his hand stretched out toward me.
I stepped out from around Ian, ignoring his muttered warning, abruptly comfortable and sure.
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