Twilight - Eclipse Chapter 27. NEEDS

When I couldn’t see anymore, I let my tires find the rough shoulder and rolled slowly to a stop. I
slumped over on the seat and allowed the weakness I’d fought in Jacob’s room crush me. It was worse
that I’d thought — the force of it took me by surprise. Yes, I had been right to hide this from Jacob. No
one should ever see this.
But I wasn’t alone for very long — just exactly long enough for Alice to see me here, and then the few
minutes it took him to arrive. The door creaked open, and he pulled me into his arms.
At first it was worse. Because there was that smaller part of me — smaller, but getting louder and
angrier every minute, screaming at the rest of me — that craved a different set of arms. So then there was
fresh guilt to season the pain.
He didn’t say anything, he just let me sob until I began to blubber out Charlie’s name.
“Are you really ready to go home?” he asked doubtfully.
I managed to convey, after several attempts, that it wasn’t going to get any better anytime soon. I
needed to get past Charlie before it got late enough for him to call Billy.
So he drove me home — for once not even getting close to my truck’s internal speed limit — keeping
one arm wrapped tightly around me. The whole way, I fought for control. It seemed to be a doomed
effort at first, but I didn’t give up. Just a few seconds, I told myself. Just time for a few excuses, or a few
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lies, and then I could break down again. I had to be able to do that much. I scrambled around in my
head, searching desperately for a reserve of strength.
There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs — hold them back but not end them. The tears didn’t
slow. I couldn’t seem to find any handle to even begin to work with those.
“Wait for me upstairs,” I mumbled when we were in front of the house.
He hugged me closer for one minute, and then he was gone.
Once inside, I headed straight for the stairs.
“Bella?” Charlie called after me from his usual place on the sofa as I walked by.
I turned to look at him without speaking. His eyes bugged wide, and he lurched to his feet.
“What happened? Is Jacob . . . ?” he demanded.
I shook my head furiously, trying to find my voice. “He’s fine, he’s fine,” I promised, my voice low and
husky. And Jacobwas fine, physically, which is all Charlie was worried about at the moment.
“But what happened?” He grabbed my shoulders, his eyes still anxious and wide. “What happened to
I must look worse than I’d imagined.
“Nothing, Dad. I . . . just had to talk to Jacob about . . . some things that were hard. I’m fine.”
The anxiety calmed, and was replaced by disapproval.
“Was this really the best time?” he asked.
“Probably not, Dad, but I didn’t have any alternatives — it just got to the point where I had to choose. .
. . Sometimes, there isn’t any way to compromise.”
He shook his head slowly. “How did he handle it?”
I didn’t answer.
He looked at my face for a minute, and then nodded. That must have been answer enough.
“I hope you didn’t mess up his recovery.”
“He’s a quick healer,” I mumbled.
Charlie sighed.
I could feel the control slipping.
“I’ll be in my room,” I told him, shrugging out from underneath his hands.
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“’Kay,” Charlie agreed. He could probably see the waterworks starting to escalate. Nothing scared
Charlie worse than tears.
I made my way to my room, blind and stumbling.
Once inside, I fought with the clasp on my bracelet, trying to undo it with shaking fingers.
“No, Bella,” Edward whispered, capturing my hands. “It’s part of who you are.”
He pulled me into the cradle of his arms as the sobs broke free again.
This longest of days seemed to stretch on and on and on. I wondered if it would ever end.
But, though the night dragged relentlessly, it was not the worst night of my life. I took comfort from that.
And I was not alone. There was a great deal of comfort in that, too.
Charlie’s fear of emotional outbursts kept him from checking on me, though I was not quiet — he
probably got no more sleep than I did.
My hindsight seemed unbearably clear tonight. I could see every mistake I’d made, every bit of harm I’d
done, the small things and the big things. Each pain I’d caused Jacob, each wound I’d given Edward,
stacked up into neat piles that I could not ignore or deny.
And I realized that I’d been wrong all along about the magnets. It had not been Edward and Jacob that
I’d been trying to force together, it was the two parts of myself, Edward’s Bella and Jacob’s Bella. But
they could not exist together, and I never should have tried.
I’d done so much damage.
At some point in the night, I remembered the promise I’d made to myself early this morning — that I
would never make Edward see me shed another tear for Jacob Black. The thought brought on a round of
hysteria which frightened Edward more than the weeping. But it passed, too, when it had run its course.
Edward said little; he just held me on the bed and let me ruin his shirt, staining it with salt water.
It took longer than I thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It happened,
though, and I was eventually exhausted enough to sleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the
pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like medicine. Made it more bearable. But it was still there; I was
aware of it, even asleep, and that helped me to make the adjustments I needed to make.
The morning brought with it, if not a brighter outlook, as least a measure of control, some acceptance.
Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going to be a part of
me now. Time would make it easier — that’s what everyone always said. But I didn’t care if time healed
me or not, so long as Jacob could get better. Could be happy again.
When I woke up, there was no disorientation. I opened my eyes — finally dry — and met his anxious
“Hey,” I said. My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat.
He didn’t answer. He watched me, waiting for it to start.
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“No, I’m fine,” I promised. “That won’t happen again.”
His eyes tightened at my words.
“I’m sorry that you had to see that,” I said. “That wasn’t fair to you.”
He put his hands on either side of my face.
“Bella . . . are yousure ? Did you make the right choice? I’ve never seen you in so much pain —” His
voice broke on the last word.
But I had known worse pain.
I touched his lips. “Yes.”
“I don’t know. . . .” His brow creased. “If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for
“Edward, I know who I can’t live without.”
“But . . .”
I shook my head. “You don’t understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without
me, if that’s what’s best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It’s the only
way I can live.”
He still looked dubious. I should never have let him stay with me last night. But I had needed him so
much. . . .
“Hand me that book, will you?” I asked, pointing over his shoulder.
His eyebrows pulled together in confusion, but he gave it to me quickly.
“This again?” he asked.
“I just wanted to find this one part I remembered . . . to see how she said it. . . .” I flipped through the
book, finding the page I wanted easily. The corner was dog-eared from the many times I’d stopped here.
“Cathy’s a monster, but there were a few things she got right,” I muttered. I read the lines quietly, mostly
to myself. “‘If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and
he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.’” I nodded, again to myself. “I know
exactly what she means. And I know who I can’t live without.”
Edward took the book from my hands and flipped it across the room — it landed with a lightthud on my
desk. He wrapped his arms around my waist.
A small smile lit his perfect face, though worry still lined his forehead. “Heathcliff had his moments, too,”
he said. He didn’t need the book to get it word perfect. He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear,
“‘Icannot live without my life! Icannot live without my soul!’”
“Yes,” I said quietly. “That’s my point.”
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“Bella, I can’t stand for you to be miserable. Maybe . . .”
“No, Edward. I’ve made a real mess of things, and I’m going to have to live with that. But I know what
I want and what I need . . . and what I’m going to do now.”
“What arewe going to do now?”
I smiled just a bit at his correction, and then I sighed. “We are going to go see Alice.”
Alice was on the bottom porch step, too hyper to wait for us inside. She looked about to break into a
celebration dance, so excited was she about the news she knew I was there to deliver.
“Thank you, Bella!” she sang as we got out of the truck.
“Hold it, Alice,” I warned her, lifting a hand up to halt her glee. “I’ve got a few limitations for you.”
“I know, I know, I know. I only have until August thirteenth at the latest, you have veto power on the
guest list, and if I go overboard on anything, you’ll never speak to me again.”
“Oh, okay. Well, yeah. You know the rules, then.”
“Don’t worry, Bella, it will be perfect. Do you want to see your dress?”
I had to take a few deep breaths.Whatever makes her happy, I said to myself.
Alice’s smile was smug.
“Um, Alice,” I said, keeping the casual, unruffled tone in my voice. “When did you get me a dress?”
It probably wasn’t much of a show. Edward squeezed my hand.
Alice led the way inside, heading for the stairs. “These things take time, Bella,” Alice explained. Her tone
seemed . . . evasive. “I mean, I wasn’tsure things were going to turn out this way, but there was a distinct
possibility. . . .”
“When?” I asked again.
“Perrine Bruyere has a waiting list, you know,” she said, defensive now. “Fabric masterpieces don’t
happen overnight. If I hadn’t thought ahead, you’d be wearing something off the rack!”
It didn’t look like I was going to get a straight answer. “Per — who?”
“He’s not a major designer, Bella, so there’s no need to throw a hissy fit. He’s got promise, though, and
he specializes in what I needed.”
“I’m not throwing a fit.”
“No, you’re not.” She eyed my calm face suspiciously. Then, as we walked into her room, she turned on
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“You — out.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“Bella,” she groaned. “You know the rules. He’s not supposed to see the dress till the day of.”
I took another deep breath. “It doesn’t matter to me. And you know he’s already seen it in your head.
But if that’s how you want it. . . .”
She shoved Edward back out the door. He didn’t even look at her — his eyes were on me, wary, afraid
to leave me alone.
I nodded, hoping my expression was tranquil enough to reassure him.
Alice shut the door in his face.
“All right!” she muttered. “C’mon.”
She grabbed my wrist and towed me to her closet — which was bigger than my bedroom — and then
dragged me to the back corner, where a long white garment bag had a rack all to itself.
She unzipped the bag in one sweeping movement, and then slipped it carefully off the hanger. She took a
step back, holding her hand out to the dress like she was a game show hostess.
“Well?” she asked breathlessly.
I appraised it for a long moment, playing with her a bit. Her expression turned worried.
“Ah,” I said, and I smiled, letting her relax. “I see.”
“What do you think?” she demanded.
It was myAnne of Green Gables vision all over again.
“It’s perfect, of course. Exactly right. You’re a genius.”
She grinned. “I know.”
“Nineteen-eighteen?” I guessed.
“More or less,” she said, nodding. “Some of it ismy design, the train, the veil. . . .” She touched the
white satin as she spoke. “The lace is vintage. Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful. It’s just right for him.”
“But is it just right for you?” she insisted.
“Yes, I think it is, Alice. I think it’s just what I need. I know you’ll do a great job with this . . . if you can
keep yourself in check.”
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She beamed.
“Can I see your dress?” I asked.
She blinked, her face blank.
“Didn’t you order your bridesmaid dress at the same time? I wouldn’t want my maid of honor to wear
something off therack. ” I pretended to wince in horror.
She threw her arms around my waist. “Thank you, Bella!”
“How could you not see that one coming?” I teased, kissing her spiky hair. “Some psychic you are!”
Alice danced back, and her face was bright with fresh enthusiasm. “I’ve got so much to do! Go play
with Edward. I have to get to work.”
She dashed out of the room, yelling, “Esme!” as she disappeared.
I followed at my own pace. Edward was waiting for me in the hallway, leaning against the wood-paneled
“That was very, very nice of you,” he told me.
“She seems happy,” I agreed.
He touched my face; his eyes — too dark, it had been so long since he’d left me — searched my
expression minutely.
“Let’s get out of here,” he suddenly suggested. “Let’s go to our meadow.”
It sounded very appealing. “I guess I don’t have to hide out anymore, do I?”
“No. The danger is behind us.”
He was quiet, thoughtful, as he ran. The wind blew on my face, warmer now that the storm had really
passed. The clouds covered the sky, the way they usually did.
The meadow was a peaceful, happy place today. Patches of summer daisies interrupted the grass with
splashes of white and yellow. I lay back, ignoring the slight dampness of the ground, and looked for
pictures in the clouds. They were too even, too smooth. No pictures, just a soft, gray blanket.
Edward lay next to me and held my hand.
“August thirteenth?” he asked casually after a few minutes of comfortable silence.
“That gives me a month till my birthday. I didn’t want to cut it too close.”
He sighed. “Esme is three years older than Carlisle — technically. Did you know that?”
I shook my head.
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“It hasn’t made any difference to them.”
My voice was serene, a counterpoint to his anxiety. “My age is not really that important. Edward, I’m
ready. I’ve chosen my life — now I want to start living it.”
He stroked my hair. “The guest list veto?”
“I don’t care really, but I . . .” I hesitated, not wanting to explain this one. Best to get it over with. “I’m
not sure if Alice would feel the need to invite . . . a few werewolves. I don’t know if . . . Jake would feel
like . . . like heshould come. Like that’s the right thing to do, or that I’d get my feelings hurt if he didn’t.
He shouldn’t have to go through that.”
Edward was quiet for a minute. I stared at the tips of the treetops, almost black against the light gray of
the sky.
Suddenly, Edward grabbed me around the waist and pulled me onto his chest.
“Tell me why you’re doing this, Bella. Why did you decide, now, to give Alice free reign?”
I repeated for him the conversation I had with Charlie last night before I’d gone to see Jacob.
“It wouldn’t be fair to keep Charlie out of this,” I concluded. “And that means Renée and Phil. I might as
well let Alice have her fun, too. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for Charlie if he gets his proper
goodbye. Even if he thinks it’s much too early, I wouldn’t want to cheat him out of the chance to walk
me down the aisle.” I grimaced at the words, then took another deep breath. “At least my mom and dad
and my friends will know the best part of my choice, the most I’m allowed to tell them. They’ll know I
chose you, and they’ll know we’re together. They’ll know I’m happy, wherever I am. I think that’s the
best I can do for them.”
Edward held my face, searching it for a brief time.
“Deal’s off,” he said abruptly.
“What?” I gasped. “You’re backing out? No!”
“I’m not backing out, Bella. I’ll still keep my side of the bargain. But you’re off the hook. Whatever you
want, no strings attached.”
“Bella, I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to make everyone else happy. And I don’t care about
anyone else’s feelings. I only needyou to be happy. Don’t worry about breaking the news to Alice. I’ll
take care of it. I promise she won’t make you feel guilty.”
“But I —”
“No. We’re doing this your way. Because my way doesn’t work. I call you stubborn, but look at what
I’ve done. I’ve clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what’s best for you, though it’s only hurt
you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don’t trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your
way. My way is always wrong. So.” He shifted under me, squaring his shoulders. “We’re doing ityour
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way, Bella. Tonight. Today. The sooner the better. I’ll speak to Carlisle. I was thinking that maybe if we
gave you enough morphine, it wouldn’t be so bad. It’s worth a try.” He gritted his teeth.
“Edward, no —”
He put his finger to my lips. “Don’t worry, Bella, love. I haven’t forgotten the rest of your demands.”
His hands were in my hair, his lips moving softly — but very seriously — against mine, before I realized
what he was saying. What he was doing.
There wasn’t much time to act. If I waited too long, I wouldn’t be able to remember why I needed to
stop him. Already, I couldn’t breathe right. My hands were gripping his arms, pulling myself tighter to
him, my mouth glued to his and answering every unspoken question his asked.
I tried to clear my head, to find a way to speak.
He rolled gently, pressing me into the cool grass.
Oh, never mind!my less noble side exulted. My head was full of the sweetness of his breath.
No, no, no,I argued with myself. I shook my head, and his mouth moved to my neck, giving me a
chance to breathe.
“Stop, Edward. Wait.” My voice was as weak as my will.
“Why?” he whispered into the hollow of my throat.
I labored to put some resolve into my tone. “I don’t want to do this now.”
“Don’t you?” he asked, a smile in his voice. He moved his lips back to mine and made speaking
impossible. Heat coursed through my veins, burning where my skin touched his.
I made myself focus. It took a great deal of effort just to force my hands to free themselves from his hair,
to move them to his chest. But I did it. And then I shoved against him, trying to push him away. I could
not succeed alone, but he responded as I knew he would.
He pulled back a few inches to look at me, and his eyes did nothing to help my resolve. They were
black fire. They smoldered.
“Why?” he asked again, his voice low and rough. “I love you. I want you. Right now.”
The butterflies in my stomach flooded my throat. He took advantage of my speechlessness.
“Wait, wait,” I tried to say around his lips.
“Not for me,” he murmured in disagreement.
“Please?” I gasped.
He groaned, and pushed himself away from me, rolling onto his back again.
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We both lay there for a minute, trying to slow our breathing.
“Tell me why not, Bella,” he demanded. “This had better not be about me.”
Everything in my world was about him. What a silly thing to expect.
“Edward, this is very important to me. Iam going to do this right.”
“Who’s definition of right?”
He rolled onto his elbow and stared at me, his expression disapproving.
“Howare you going to do this right?”
I took a deep breath. “Responsibly. Everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and Renée
without the best resolution I can give them. I won’t deny Alice her fun, if I’m having a wedding anyway.
And Iwill tie myself to you in every human way, before I ask you to make me immortal. I’m following all
the rules, Edward. Your soul is far, far too important to me to take chances with. You’re not going to
budge me on this.”
“I’ll bet Icould, ” he murmured, his eyes burning again.
“But you wouldn’t,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. “Not knowing that this is what I really need.”
“You don’t fight fair,” he accused.
I grinned at him. “Never said I did.”
He smiled back, wistful. “If you change your mind . . .”
“You’ll be the first to know,” I promised.
The rain started to drip through the clouds just then, a few scattered drops that made faintthuds as they
struck the grass.
I glowered at the sky.
“I’ll get you home.” He brushed the tiny beads of water from my cheeks.
“Rain’s not the problem,” I grumbled. “It just means that it’s time to go do something that will be very
unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous.”
His eyes widened in alarm.
“It’s a good thing you’re bulletproof.” I sighed. “I’m going to need that ring. It’s time to tell Charlie.”
He laughed at the expression on my face. “Highly dangerous,” he agreed. He laughed again and then
reached into the pocket of his jeans. “But as least there’s no need for a side trip.”
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He once again slid my ring into place on the third finger of my left hand.
Where it would stay — conceivably for the rest of eternity.
“Jacob, do you think this is going to take too much longer?” Leah demanded. Impatient. Whiney.
My teeth clenched together.
Like anyone in the pack, Leah knew everything. She knew why I came here — to the very edge of the
earth and sky and sea. To be alone. She knew that this was all I wanted. Just to be alone.
But Leah was going to force her company on me, anyway.
Besides being crazy annoyed, I did feel smug for a brief second. Because I didn’t even have to think
about controlling my temper. It was easy now, something I just did, natural. The red haze didn’t wash
over my eyes. The heat didn’t shiver down my spine. My voice was calm when I answered.
“Jump off a cliff, Leah.” I pointed to the one at my feet.
“Really, kid.” She ignored me, throwing herself into a sprawl on the ground next to me. “You have no
idea how hard this is for me.”
“Foryou ?” It took me a minute to believe she was serious. “You have to be the most self-absorbed
person alive, Leah. I’d hate to shatter the dream world you live in — the one where the sun is orbiting the
place where you stand — so I won’t tell you how little I care what your problem is.Go. Away. ”
“Just look at this from my perspective for a minute, okay?” she continued as if I hadn’t said anything.
If she was trying to break my mood, it worked. I started laughing. The sound hurt in strange ways.
“Stop snorting and pay attention,” she snapped.
“If I pretend to listen, will you leave?” I asked, glancing over at the permanent scowl on her face. I
wasn’t sure if she had any other expressions anymore.
I remembered back to when I used to think that Leah was pretty, maybe even beautiful. That was a long
time ago. No one thought of her that way now. Except for Sam. He was never going to forgive himself.
Like it was his fault that she’d turned into this bitter harpy.
Her scowl heated up, as if she could guess what I was thinking. Probably could.
“This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like tome ? I don’t evenlike Bella
Swan. And you’ve got me grieving over this leech-lover like I’m in love with her, too. Can you see where
that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do
withthat ?”
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“Do I care?”
“I can’t stand being in your head anymore! Get over her already! She’s going tomarry that thing. He’s
going to try to change her into one of them! Time to move on, boy.”
“Shutup, ” I growled.
It would be wrong to strike back. I knew that. I was biting my tongue. But she’d be sorry if she didn’t
walk away. Now.
“He’ll probably just kill her anyway,” Leah said. Sneering. “All the stories say that happens more often
than not. Maybe a funeral will be better closure than a wedding. Ha.”
This time I had to work. I closed my eyes and fought the hot taste in my mouth. I pushed and shoved
against the slide of fire down my back, wrestling to keep my shape together while my body tried to shake
When I was in control again, I glowered at her. She was watching my hands as the tremors slowed.
Some joke.
“If you’re upset about gender confusion, Leah . . . ,” I said. Slow, emphasizing each word. “How do
you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes? It’s bad enough that Emily has to deal
withyour fixation. She doesn’t need us guys panting after him, too.”
Pissed as I was, I still felt guilty when I watched the spasm of pain shoot across her face.
She scrambled to her feet — pausing only to spit in my direction — and ran for the trees, vibrating like a
tuning fork.
I laughed darkly. “You missed.”
Sam was going to give me hell for that, but it was worth it. Leah wouldn’t bug me anymore. And I’d do
it again if I had the chance.
Because her words were still there, scratching themselves into my brain, the pain of it so strong that I
could hardly breathe.
It didn’t matter so much that Bella’d chosen someone else over me. That agony was nothing at all. That
agony I could live with for the rest of my stupid, too long, stretched-out life.
But it did matter that she was giving up everything — that she was letting her heart stop and her skin ice
over and her mind twist into some crystallized predator’s head. A monster. A stranger.
I would have thought there was nothing worse than that, nothing more painful in the whole world.
But, if hekilled her . . .
Again, I had to fight the rage. Maybe, if not for Leah, it would be good to let the heat change me into a
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creature who could deal with it better. A creature with instincts so much stronger than human emotions.
An animal who couldn’t feel pain in the same way. A different pain. Some variety, at least. But Leah was
running now, and I didn’t want to share her thoughts. I cussed her under my breath for taking away that
escape, too.
My hands were shaking in spite of me. What shook them? Anger? Agony? I wasn’t sure what I was
fighting now.
I had to believe that Bella would survive. But that required trust — a trust I didn’t want to feel, a trust in
that bloodsucker’s ability to keep her alive.
She would be different, and I wondered how that would affect me. Would it be the same as if she had
died, to see her standing there like a stone? Like ice? When her scent burned in my nostrils and triggered
the instinct to rip, to tear . . . How would that be? Could I want to killher ? Could I not want to kill one
ofthem ?
I watched the swells roll toward the beach. They disappeared from sight under the edge of the cliff, but I
heard them beat against the sand. I watched them until it was late, long after dark.
Going home was probably a bad idea. But I was hungry, and I couldn’t think of another plan.
I made a face as I pulled my arm through the retarded sling and grabbed my crutches. If only Charlie
hadn’t seen me that day and spread the word of my “motorcycle accident.” Stupid props. I hated them.
Going hungry started to look better when I walked in the house and got a look at my dad’s face. He had
something on his mind. It was easy to tell — he always overdid it. Acted all casual.
He also talked too much. He was rambling about his day before I could get to the table. He never
jabbered like this unless there was something that he didn’t want to say. I ignored him as best I could,
concentrating on the food. The faster I choked it down . . .
“. . . and Sue stopped by today.” My dad’s voice was loud. Hard to ignore. As always. “Amazing
woman. She’s tougher than grizzlies, that one. I don’t know how she deals with that daughter of hers,
though. Now Sue, she would have made one hell of a wolf. Leah’s more of a wolverine.” He chuckled at
his own joke.
He waited briefly for my response, but didn’t seem to see my blank, bored-out-of-my-mind expression.
Most days that bugged him. I wished he would shut up about Leah. I was trying not to think about her.
“Seth’s a lot easier. Of course, you were easier than your sisters, too, until . . . well, you have more to
deal with than they did.”
I sighed, long and deep, and stared out the window.
Billy was quiet for a second too long. “We got a letter today.”
I could tell that this was the subject he’d been avoiding.
“A letter?”
“A . . . wedding invitation.”
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Every muscle in my body locked into place. A feather of heat seemed to brush down my back. I held
onto the table to keep my hands steady.
Billy went on like he hadn’t noticed. “There’s a note inside that’s addressed to you. I didn’t read it.”
He pulled a thick ivory envelope from where it was wedged between his leg and the side of his
wheelchair. He laid it on the table between us.
“You probably don’t need to read it. Doesn’t really matter what it says.”
Stupid reverse psychology. I yanked the envelope off the table.
It was some heavy, stiff paper. Expensive. Too fancy for Forks. The card inside was the same, too
done-up and formal. Bella’d had nothing to do with this. There was no sign of her personal taste in the
layers of see-through, petal-printed pages. I’d bet she didn’t like it at all. I didn’t read the words, not
even to see the date. I didn’t care.
There was a piece of the thick ivory paper folded in half with my name handwritten in black ink on the
back. I didn’t recognize the handwriting, but it was as fancy as the rest of it. For half a second, I
wondered if the bloodsucker was into gloating.
I flipped it open.
I’m breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn’t want to make
you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the
I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you — for her — for everything.
“Jake, we only have the one table,” Billy said. He was staring at my left hand.
My fingers were clamped down on the wood hard enough that it really was in danger. I loosened them
one by one, concentrating on that action alone, and then clenched my hands together so I couldn’t break
“Yeah, doesn’t matter anyway,” Billy muttered.
I got up from the table, shrugging out of my t-shirt as I stood. Hopefully Leah had gone home by now.
“Not too late,” Billy mumbled as I punched the front door out of my way.
I was running before I hit the trees, my clothes strewn out behind me like a trail of crumbs — as if I
wanted to find my way back. It was almost too easy now to phase. I didn’t have to think. My body
already knew where I was going and, before I asked it to, it gave me what I wanted.
I had four legs now, and I was flying.
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter,
The trees blurred into a sea of black flowing around me. My muscles bunched and released in an
effortless rhythm. I could run like this for days and I would not be tired. Maybe, this time, I wouldn’t
But I wasn’t alone.
So sorry,Embry whispered in my head.
I could see through his eyes. He was far away, to the north, but he had wheeled around and was racing
to join me. I growled and pushed myself faster.
Wait for us,Quil complained. He was closer, just starting out from the village.
Leave me alone,I snarled.
I could feel their worry in my head, try hard as I might to drown it in the sound of the wind and the
forest. This was what I hated most — seeing myself through their eyes, worse now that their eyes were
full of pity. They saw the hate, but they kept running after me.
A new voice sounded in my head.
Let him go.Sam’s thought was soft, but still an order. Embry and Quil slowed to a walk.
If only I could stop hearing, stop seeing what they saw. My head was so crowded, but the only way to
be alone again was to be human, and I couldn’t stand the pain.
Phase back,Sam directed them.I’ll pick you up, Embry.
First one, then another awareness faded into silence. Only Sam was left.
Thank you,I managed to think.
Come home when you can.The words were faint, trailing off into blank emptiness as he left, too. And I was alone.

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Bella said...

dont u just HATE Jacob? AlwayS! Ugh

Pretty said...

My heart breaks for Jacob. Thanks for posting this!

Maddi said...

How is Bella stupid enough to even care about Jacob's feelings?
He is so immuture, irresponsible, idiotic, and annoying!!! Ugggh. You can't even put Jacob's personality in words! I mean the werewolves are cool and all BUT really does Jacob have to over react about evvveeerrryyy thing. How could anyone stand him? Bella was a fool to ever fall in love with him in the first place. She is so stupid when she is around Jacob! Well at least she had the sense to choose Edward... he's so much more muture and smart! How could she even think about doubting Edward's and her relationship!?... For Jacob!!

Natasha6363 said...

Talk about hateful towards Jake. Wow. I mean, yeah, he could be more mature and understanding about it, but it seems to me mostly his problem is misunderstanding vampires. I feel sorry for him. : /

Bella_Cullen19 said...

Urgh i luv edward. bella is so lucky. Jacob is annoying and whiny its not liks he imprinted on bella find sum1 else dude

Emily said...

I agree :)

Kaytlan said...

I don't see how she could have ever fallen for Jacob. I mean he's sweet and he's a great friend, but if he really loved her he wouldn't get so angry and hurt all the time; he would have just told her, given her the choice, and left it at that. Or just gotten over it without telling her. He was such a drama queen about it and kept forcing himself on her, and that wasn't fair. True love doesn't do that.

sierra louis said...

I agree with everyone. Some girls are team jacob because of his abs. Im team edward he saved her more than jacob. Jacob only saved her 1 time. Edward saved her 4 times. Think about the difference. Jacob could NEVER have me on his idiotic team. Being as immature as he is even if bella chose him she would later dump him because of his idiotic and immature ways.

Dulce Delgado said...

Ugh I hate Bella she's a Bitch she can't have both men she plays Jacob uses him and then expects him to just not have Any feelings towards her after edward comes back yet Doesn't want him Having feelings feelings for no one else cuz she gets jealous. Its bellas fault for leading him on all this time of.course Jacob had to try to make her his. Poor guy is just as confused I hate her she has a man yet shes trying to be with Jacob any chance she gets. TEAM JACOB!

Jaimie Ellis Ruano said...

OK maybe Jacob is a little pushy but he's a kid and still doesn't understand his feelings and Edward has had more time to get over the kid phase and mature so be understanding in both ways especially for Jacob and Bella is also young and she got hurt and her feelings got mixed so that's life.

Potter More said...

Jacob is not a little pushy,he's absolutely irritating.He thinks he's an adult but actually he needs someone to take care for him like Bella.Although I can't understand how Bella can love him.How can any love leave even just a shadow before a love of Edward,a vampire?!Wished I was Bella.''Jacob,get the hell outta here.''But the thing that bothers me the most is in "Breaking dawn" where Jacob imprints on Renesme and nicknames her Nessie.I abolutely loath him.

Avanthika Drithi said...

Yesss love edward

Hasiba 1426 said...

Its all going to be over anyway when Jacob imprints on renésme :)

Team Jacob said...

But he's that way because she leads him on and then pushes him away he did everything for her in the second book and she told him that she loved Edward and not him like wtf team Jacob

AlwaysTwilightfan said...

I'm team Edward, but I couldn't hate Jacob over his immaturity. Just remember what he did for Bella, the Cullens and Renesmee in Breaking Dawn.

AlwaysTwilightfan said...

I'm team Edward, but I couldn't hate Jacob over his immaturity. Just remember what he did for Bella, the Cullens and Renesmee in Breaking Dawn.

Unknown said...

U 're totally right

Unknown said...

Few lines left...
So much better. Now I could hear the faint rustle of the matted leaves beneath my toenails, the whisper of an owl's wings above me, the ocean - far, far in the west - moaning against the beach. Hear this, and nothing more. Feel nothing but speed, nothing but the pull of muscle, sinew, and bone, working together in harmony as the miles disappeared behind me.

If the silence in my head lasted, I would never go back. I wouldn't be the first one to choose this form over the other. Maybe, if I ran far enough away, I would never have to hear again. . . .

I pushed my legs faster, letting Jacob Black disappear behind me.

Unknown said...

Spoiler alert much

Unknown said...

I ❤️ Jacob. 4-ever!

Unknown said...

Bella did not lead Jacob on, she told him time and again how she felt (before she realized she WAS in love with him.) He was too pushy about it, but he's only 16 as well, more mature than most 16 year old boys.

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